Confessions of a Mother

It's 2 a.m. and I can't fall asleep. I tried for two hours, but at 1 when I realized I was kicking my legs around, I decided to just get up. Mostly I couldn't fall asleep because I was lazy, lazy, lazy today and instead of working hard I took a nap, bummed around some stores, and watched a movie. So, surprise, surprise, my body doesn't think it needs any rest.

I picked up my Bible for the first time today and read a chapter in Proverbs and a couple in Acts.

Now that I do actually have a son, there are all kinds of things in Proverbs that are suddenly, painfully convicting. I always knew that the Bible said parents should discipline their children and I always agreed and wondered what the fuss was about. Then we got rejected by our first adoption agency, Children's Home Society and Family Services (CHSFS), precisely because our homestudy said we "believed there were times that corporal punishment was appropriate." They even sent us propaganda by a certified DOCTOR, who set out to correct the ignorant Christians who actually interpret the Bible literally!! One section in particular, still makes my blood boil. Dr. Spears claims that 'the rod' is merely a symbol of authority and really the rod is never used on the sheep, but to fend off outside attackers . . . hmmm, so should I slap the electrical outlet? It is found near the end of the article on http://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/T062100.asp#back

It makes me angry precisely because I want to believe it and because discipline is hard. My job would be so much easier if I didn't have to slap hands and a bottom and teach my son, but rather rely on emotional manipulation to control my son's behavior. I am a woman, afterall, and we're born master-manipulators.

But, God's word is wiser than the latest parenting advice, even from a DOCTOR, and when He says, "The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child who gets his own way brings shame to his mother" (Proverbs 29:15), I actually believe it *gasp* literally. I'd also like to believe that discipline is really just Joseph's job. That allows him to be the bad guy and me to be the comforting mother who saves my son from discipline; but no, God says a child who gets his own way brings shame to me, his mother. "A wise son makes a father glad, but a foolish son is a grief to his mother." (Prov. 10:1)

I also really don't want to believe that Tate is foolish, because it makes me realize how foolish I am. I hate correcting his foolishness because it opens up my heart to be disciplined by my heavenly Father. "Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him." (Prov. 22:15)

God knows me, he knows I'll be tempted to look the other way when Tate reaches for something I said no to, so he tells me that if I do actually love my son, I'll be faithful to discipline him and if I don't, I hate him. "He who withholds his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him diligently" (Prov. 13:24) I will love my son, sorry Dr. Spears.

I hate continually disciplining him because I really don't want God to slap my bum numerous times for the same, stupid sin. I'd rather believe the lie that disobedience doesn't actually have consequences and sin doesn't actually lead to death. But, again, God nails me. "Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die. Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death." (Prov. 23:13-14) "Discipline your son while there is hope, and do not desire his death." (Prov. 19:18)

There are also some beautiful promises that are only claimed by faith. "Correct your son, and he will give you comfort; He will also delight your soul." (Prov. 29:17)

So, I've been praying "My son, if your heart is wise, my own heart also will be glad; and my inmost being will rejoice when your lips speak what is right." (Prov. 23:15-16)